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Posts Tagged ‘life’

Dahil sayo, natutunan ko ang sining ng pagpapanggap.

Na habang nariyan ka, ilang metro lang ang pagitan,
nakatayo sa harap ko na tila walang namagitan,
ay kinakailangan kong magpanggap na hindi humihiyaw ang puso ko
sa isang statwang kagaya mo.

Natutunan kong umiwas sa mga mata mo na tila walang pinapahiwatig,
na tila walang bakas ng panghihinayang,
sapagkat halata pa sa sikat ng buwan ang pagmamahal ko
sa mga buwisit na matang ito.

Dahil aminin na natin, kahit sa simula pa man,
ay wala ka na talagang binibigkas.
Wala ka nang minamarka sa bato.
Walang kang dinedesisyunan.
At wala kang sinugal.

Kaya’t pinipili kong huwag kang tignan dahil habang walang sing hirap itago ang sinasabi ng aking mga mata ay walang sing dali sayo.
Dahil alam kong sa isang iglap ng pagdaan,
malalaman mo na may kulang dito,
na may blankong ayaw magpatalo sa panahon, sa lahat ng oras at pagkakataon,
na may hungkag kang binuo,
dito sa pagal at walang pagod na pusong ito
na gusto ko nang patayin nang higit pa sa minsan.

Ngunit ang pinakamalupit sa mga bagay na inukit mo sa puso ko,
ay ang katotohanang hindi mo alam na sabay kong dinadala ang bigat ng pagibig at pasakit ng dahil sayo.

Wala kang alam, at hindi mo man lang inalam.

Na patuloy at tahimik kong tinitiis ang hirap na hindi na kita nakakausap.
Na tila bumalik tayo sa dalawang magkaibang mundo,
walang pakialam at mga estranghero.

Subalit dinedesisyunan ko, na ito ang tama, na ito ang dapat.
Na putulin ang anumang nagdudugtong sa atin para maisalba ko ang sarili ko.
Araw araw, dinedesisyunan kong mahalin ka at huwag kang mahalin.
Na mahalin ka sa malayo, kung saan matatanggap ko nang tuluyan,
na ang pagmamahal ko sayo ay nagsimula at matatapos sa pagmamahal ko sayo.

Sa pagmamahal ko lang sayo.

P.S. Sana masubukan ko talaga to nang live. 🙂

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  1. Set your expectations appropriately. I don’t mean to become such a pessimist, but more of a realist. When you set your expectations on your future, make sure it is grounded on the floor. But with enough wheels for you to chase after what you want. And fast.
  2. More often than not, the things you think will happen to you won’t be the things that will actually happen to you. So be prepared for the curveballs, the upsets, the blind spots, so that when it comes, you will have enough balls to pick up where you got slammed.
  3. This early on, try to really figure out what profession you would enjoy. Not what would bring you lots of money, or not what is trending, but actually think of a job that you will not leave even if you wanted to. They say you don’t have to like your job. Even if sometimes you don’t like it, you love it enough to stick to it.
  4. Same goes with the people you love. You don’t have to actually like them all the time, they might even annoy the hell out of you. But you know that you will love them still. So decide to keep the right people around. The kind that will believe in you. The kind that will listen to every ridiculous thing you could ever say. The kind that will not use or abuse you. The kind that will be happy to grow wrinkly old with you and laugh at it.
  5. Learn to invest for your future. This is boring stuff I know but it’s necessary if you want to be more secured later in life. Study financial options that you can take. And do them as early as you can.
  6. You can actually accomplish everything you want to do. Nearly everything, those that are actually feasible. You carry the potential to achieve your aspirations. There would be a lot of things that may impede you from doing it, especially yourself. But if you think about the possibilities that your potential can actually propel you to, that should be enough motivation for you to be brave. And become all those things you have been meaning to become.
  7. There is no loss in trying out different things. This is where you will build your experience. This is when you can form the many charming, endearing facets of your personality. It’s like branching out, it’s like leaves growing from your stems. And you can decide what leaves they are with those deliberate acts of experience.
  8. Don’t let fear creep into your age. As we get older, we tend to just settle for what’s comfortable. We silently allow fear to stop us from risking because we like things steady. And we’re old now, steady is convenient. It’s nice to be secured. But make sure that it doesn’t rule your whole adult life.
  9. If you don’t like reading, watch movies that will provoke, enlighten, and bang the wisdom out of you. If you don’t like movies, converse with people who will add something worthy to your brain or heart. You need these tools, these external learnings aside from your own experience. It will expand your perspective. Lessen your self-woes and self-absorbedness. And make you more worldly. More into the real groundbreaking stuff that human life is made of.
  10. The best and worst are yet to come. So take it all in. Get ready. Get excited.

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To you who’s been invisible, I want you to know that you are not alone.

We all know her. That person who sits by herself on a crowded corridor. The one who speaks but was never heard. The one who dresses up nicely for an occasion but never gets the attention. The one who walks the hallways but was never greeted by anyone. The one who blends in the crowd too much that she drowns. And the one who seeks to be remembered but fails to do so.

You know her. I know her. At one point, I was her.

There’s no great surprise that some of us don’t really leave a lasting impression on others. Or even a first one at that.  With all the myriad of personalties surrounding us, how could everyone be noticed by everyone? There are times when these ‘invisibles’ get used to where they stand in the world. Maybe because they have their own world which does not fit any mold or the ones they consider to be rightfully ‘visible’ in the circle they live in. Sometimes, they scream just to be accepted by the people who may not be even aware of their cries. Yes, human beings can do that without even knowing it. They are so intent on making their own lives the center of the world that they could inadvertently leave out some other centers. And why the hell would they not want that, right? After all they’ve got only one life–their life to live.

Being invisible in certain situations is what other people could want. Especially when they don’t really want to be the center of attention. I have never really felt out of place until recently, but when I remember those years growing up, I could consider myself not really wanting the spotlight. Which has been good for me since I like spending time alone or with just a tight circle of friends. You can say, the sidelines were a good friend growing up.

I went through highschool and college being normal. My big sister was, in contrast, quite the more popular one, I suppose. And I enjoyed that because she was really more of the outspoken, friendly, and larger-network-type-of-gal. I even remember one instance when my own classmate knew my sister and was surprised to learn that she had a sister in her own batch. I actually laughed at it, felt a little embarrassed but eventually just let it go. Because it didn’t really matter that much.

In college, everything went as normally as it could be. No limelight whatsoever. You see, I was never really the type who came to class with a bang. I was mostly quiet. And I was never used to putting on makeup, dressing up, or being loud. As the years went by, I didn’t really feel all that left out. I had good, solid friends. A family that laughs at my jokes. My own dreams to be fulfilled. And my own personal dilemmas to even worry about being invisible.

That was until it happened to me. It was an experience that taught me so much. I learned that what human beings utterly crave for is simply to be heard. We live in this world so that our voices can be heard. Our presence to be felt. Maybe not by all people but definitely at least by some. In that situation, I felt like I really did not exist. I was not missed or remembered. I actually at one point even stopped trying because maybe a little part of it was my fault. But at the end of the day, it really hurt. Which I guess is the same pain felt by all those invisibles out there trying to feel important in one way or another. Human beings have that need for their existence to make a difference, even by a little especially to those people who are dear to them. We were born so that our thoughts, feelings and actions can somehow have an impact on others. And that is the plain truth of it all.

Maybe we were all meant to go through this to learn. Even though we act a certain way towards others, it doesn’t mean we can expect them to act the same. We have to learn that not everybody is going to accept our energy or enjoy our personality. And that the bigger lesson is to accept that they cannot accept us. There is a reason for that. I understood the reasons. And understanding is a huge part of accepting it.

So to you, like me, who has carried the invisibility cloak at one point in your life, believe that there is a reason why others would do exactly the opposite. These are the others who will make you feel visible. The others who will take the time for you to feel missed. The others who cannot wait to hear your voice. And these people, you have to find them. You don’t really have to search that far most times. These are your people. So smile, because you have your ‘others.’

Be grateful you went through it, because it has made you more compassionate. More understanding and aware. And that it has made you more determined to be heard. So speak up. Dress up. Stand up. Because, even if you do not feel or believe it, you matter.

 

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New Day

What a difference a year makes. Isn’t it so surprising what could happen in a year? How you can be changed by things or experiences in this span of time? You never know what to expect. What could come along. How you can feel so many different emotions, learn new things, and realize how your life has been shaped by situations whether good or bad, by changes that caught you off guard, and by people who have made a difference in your heart.

A year from now, I don’t know where I will be. What I’m doing. Who I’m with. Or what I would feel.

And it is scary. Not knowing. Figuring things out again. There is a life out there, just waiting for me to open. And it is exciting at the same time.

But I guess, all I could hope for is, to be happy. Much like every living soul on this planet.

It’s so funny, this happiness stuff. We all aim for it. And most of us find it so difficult to find, right? It’s quite frustrating at times. We all pray for it. But sometimes, it’s easier to be sad because we’re so used to it. If we become happy, we know it wouldn’t last. Something will happen eventually. At least if we’re sad, we’d always have something to aim for. But, maybe, happiness is just something that’s not really supposed to stay with us always. I mean, emotions, they change, even by the minute. It’s that fast. If we have happiness that rare, we’ll cherish every moment of it. Suck in the floating feeling of joy. Learn to seep it into our skin, like we’ve never had air in our lungs.

I am rambling, once again. But I guess, what I’m really trying to say is, it’s alright to be sad at times. It allows us to grasp that evasive happiness by its neck. That kind of happiness that makes you sick. Because it fills your heart too much.

I guess every New Year, we make resolutions to be happy or make others happy. I really am not the type of person who makes resolutions though I have one of those lists of things to do. But if I was going to make one, just this year, I resolve to be kinder, to make important decisions that could make my life better, to be less scared. And keep my promises.

There really isn’t anything different when the New Year comes. Unless you make something out of it. They say it’s a time for second chances. But second chances can come any day. No need for a New Year to have one. They say it’s a time for change or resolutions. But you can make one today or tomorrow.

I guess, the New Year is merely a reminder. But we don’t have to wait a year for things to happen.

So here’s a toast to a New Day. May it bring your life that kind of happiness we all hope for. 🙂

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