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Archive for February, 2013

The Story of Mine

I pulled my jacket tighter with the soft breeze caressing my face as I walked the familiar path in this dear little park I had grown up loving. It was a great day, I had known it. The sun was just on the rise, peeking through, with its gentle light touching the green green grass that seems to hear its own beat. Leaves endlessly rustled beneath, never seeming to know where to go or when to rest. The air was cool, just enough to be enjoyed by anyone on a breezy summer day.

And there he was.

For only a while, I had known him. He had a faraway look in his eyes as he rested his elbows on his knees, hands clasped together, seeming to search for something out there yet having a sweeping calmness about him. As I climbed the uphill slope to where he was, I had that certain feeling that this was the last time I would see him.

“Hey.”

“Hey, you came,” he had said with a tinge of a smile.

I stayed quiet until I was sitting beside him on the rusted bench, overlooking the beauty of our town.

“How are you?”

“I’m okay. It’s nice to see you,” I told him, and in truth, I didn’t believe we would meet again.

“You too. Are you coming tomorrow?” he had asked. And of course, he knew I would not come. He had that sheepish look, embarrassed for even asking.

“I wanted you to know that I wish you every happiness,” I looked him in the eye with all the hope I could have for his life. I had wanted him to feel how much I pray, everyday, for his life to turn out greater than he expected.

“Thank you,” he said, looking down, with sadness seeming to fill his eyes. “Sometimes, I can’t believe this is happening.”

“I know.” It was my turn to look away. “But it wouldn’t have worked, you know,” I said, trying to lift his spirits, and maybe mine.

He was taken aback for a second then looked amused, “Oh, why not?”

“I just felt…too much,” I had confessed, adding a touch of a smile to wipe off some of the humiliation I was feeling.

“That’s not possible,” he remarked with incredulity. “I can’t even imagine that. And even if you did, you wouldn’t have topped mine, I think.”

I breathed in the cool air as I turned to hold his gaze, longer for just this moment. Just today, for the final time. Here in this place where we can be ourselves and I could tell him everything that’s inside my heart. And he looked at me, trying to reach out, telling me those things which I already knew. He was defeated, yet his eyes were resigned to the fact that he had made the right decision.

I sighed deeply, knowing all too well that this was it. I slowly got up and so did he.

“Thank you for everything.” It was all I could say. It was everything anyone could ever say. I meant it from the deepest trenches of my heart.

I held the collar of his jacket, fixing it, and pulling it closer to keep him warm. And I smiled, I wanted to leave him with a smile.

“You are awfully calm for a man waiting to walk down the aisle,” I teased, but my teary eyes were saying another thing.

He chuckled a little. “You can’t really tell when I’m nervous or sad, can you?” I laughed a bit. He had always seemed so relaxed, sure of himself, and cheerful for the short time I had known him.

He breathed in deeply, “We’re going to be okay, you and me.” He said reassuringly. I nodded, maybe just for the sake of doing so.

“Be safe.”

“I will,” I answered. Then I gave him my one last smile of acceptance, letting him know that I intend to have a great life. Even after this. Even with this love.

And then it was time to walk away. I needed to be the first to walk away. Or I’ll never leave. I looked deeply in his eyes, trying to memorize him or how he looked at me before I finally let him free.

How funny could love be, I sent out to the void. We could never really choose who we’ll love. I guess, it doesn’t really work that way.

In a few years, I won’t know anything about his life. How it had turned out. If he ever had children. And he won’t know anything about me either. He’ll grow old and I’ll always wonder how he is. If he reached every single dream he has. Did his drive for work and life ever tone down? Has that twinkle in his eyes faded somehow? Does he think of me once in a while?

It’s not everyday you meet your person. The person whose ineffable laugh brought joy in your heart. Or the person whose mere presence makes you ever grateful.

I met mine on a bright sunny day, with the gentle wind blowing my hair, in the beloved park I knew so well. I met mine on an old rusted bench, up on the hill, where the leaves had a life of its own, for the very last time. And I smiled. Because, in some ironic miracle, I had met mine.

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